Terrified You're Going Crazy?
It’s 2:17am. You’re awake. More than awake. You woke, and your heart was pounding a mile a minute. You don’t even know what you were dreaming; only that’s something is wrong, very wrong.
You look at the clock again it’s still 2:17. Not one single minute has passed. You look around, there’s not a sound. Your spouse is sound asleep. How can they be asleep? Something is horribly wrong. You just don’t know what. You do know that somehow during your sleep that you’ve sprinted right past anxiety, and now you’re in the full throws of an anxiety attack.
You want to shake the person next to you awake, but you know that won’t help. Your mind is racing a mile a minute. Oh God, you can’t breathe. But you can.
Quickly, but quietly you make your way to the bathroom or the living room, anywhere you won’t wake up anyone. At least not yet. Your loved ones know that you do this sometimes, but they don’t understand. Not really.
Sometimes they even respond by letting you know what a nuisance you are since they have to wake up soon. Other times, they ask what’s wrong, insisting you have to feel that there has to be something you can pinpoint. But there’s not, and you’re just drained of trying to explain that. It does seem to be everything. If someone suggested the moon was made out of cheese, your mind would start reeling into a thousand different directions to worry about that stupid idea.
And yet there’s other times when your spouse would try to hold you and comfort you. This is the worst of all. Your anxiety intensifies the closer they get. It feels like you are feeding off their emotions. You become totally unglued and do or say anything that gets you your personal space back and lessens your panic. You’re reminded how crazy you look and sound. No this never plays out well.
You look at the clock again. It’s only 2:19. You remind yourself that panic attacks almost never last over 20 mins. They are the longest minutes ever. Time stops.
You are now pacing or sitting on the floor rocking. Just some sort of repetitive motion. Hopefully, only 18 more minutes to try to make it through. Hopefully, no one will know- Know how out of control you are. You remind yourself to breathe and hunker down to ride it out.
You’re not crazy, and you are not the only one this happens to.
Whether it’s a panic attack from anxiety or PTSD, there’s hope. Too many suffer in silence, trying to act "normal" with friends and family telling you you just need to get over it. But there is no getting over this without help.
We are in a mental health crisis with suicide and drug use soaring to record highs.
I know how helpless you’re feeling and how to help. You don’t have to feel alone anymore. You don’t have to feel out of control. You can regain full control without waiting out the clock. Let’s fix this problem by working together.